House Crashers
by Luna Cat Kitty
Summary: One day I'm watching TV and some of the Avatar characters burst through my sliding glass door. They reak havok, and ruin things. All I wanted to do was find something decent on TV. What a bunch of house crashers. Improves in second chapter and onwards!
1. Oh No, They're Here!

**Why hello there everyone. Another story that popped into my brain. Kinda sad when I have like 3 or so unfinished ones. Good thing this one is just craziness. Yup.  
I know the gAang at my house thing has been done, but I'm bored and need a life.**

**In this fic, I'm in my actual house, which makes it uncomfotably close. And yes, my room does have a pedistal thingy.**

**DISCLAIMED!**

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Me: *sitting on the couch watching The Universe on the History Channel* So bored…

TV: … Of liquids in The Universe. *theme music of The Universe*

Me: *switches TV to Dirty Jobs* No. *switches TV to Little People Big World* No. *switches TV to No Reservations* No. Argh nothing good!!!

*outside there is random light and someone screaming "Ahhh! Cold snowdrift cold!"*

Me: … What was that?

*a jet of fire shoots across the window and melting the massive snowdrift entirely*

Me: Holy crap! The snowdrift got melted by a random stream of fire! That made my life so much easier! *goes too look out window*

Sokka: *gets smashed against the window*

Me: *jumps away from window* Holy crap! Sokka?

Sokka: *tries to get in busted side door and fails, than runs in through sliding glass door* Ahh!!! Help!

Me: * looks at other side of the room* Sokka!? What the?

Zuko: Rawr! Fix this, you idiot!

Me: *sprays Febreeze on Zuko to make the fire go out* No firebending my house!

Zuko: *death glare*

Me: *sprays Zuko* Anywho. What's going on and are you two the only ones here.

Zuko: Sokka broke the balance of the universe and now all of us are here.

Me: All of us? As in all of you? Who?

Zuko: There's me, Sokka, Uncle Iroh, Aang, Katara, Suki and Toph as far as I know.

Me: … My house aint big enough for all of you! Get everyone please…

*everyone comes*

Everyone: Hi.

Me: … I have a feeling all of you are going to be stuck here for a while… I don't think we have enough food…

Iroh: Do you live here all alone, it seems as if someone else lives here too…

Me: Besides the fact that sounds creepy, my mom is on a tour of George Washington's nose for the length of our program.

Toph: How can someone fit in a guy's nose?

Me: *brings out picture of Mt. Rushmore*

Toph: I'm blind.

Me: Big mountain with people's faces sculpted into it.

Toph: Ah I get it.

Sokka: Why is Ozai and some guy with sideburns trying to break in?

*everyone turns to see Ozai and Lu Ten beating on the sliding glass door*

Me: Oh no.

Iroh and Zuko: Lu Ten!? Is that even possible!?

Katara: *opens door and Lu Ten and Ozai rush in*

Lu Ten and Ozai: COLD!

Me: Ozai, can you firebend?

Ozai: *shrug*

Me: Try.

Ozai: *lights small flame*

Everyone but Lu Ten: Oh crap.

Me: Ok, sense we have some pretty powerful benders here, warriors, the Avatar, a firebending Ozai, and a Zombie guy who isn't a zombie here we need some rules.

Sokka: BOOMERANG AND SPACE SWORD! *grabs Space sword and Boomerang from under white loveseat*

Me: How did those get there!? Anyways…

Ozai: Hmm this place has magical powers, it brings back the dead, bending and lost weapons. Where are we exactly…

Me: … The Midwest.

Ozai: … *plots conquest of South and North Dakota, Wyoming, Iowa, Minnesota and Colorado*

Me: Ok rules! No killing. No plotting world takeovers. No making out random places. No destroying my property. Be nice. No bending in public. We'll go by the three strikes thing. Any violations will result sleeping in the shed for a night. Ozai you're on strike one.

Ozai: Hey! You never said that before!

Me: Fine. But only cuz I like you.

Zuko and Aang: …

Me: That aside, time to choose our rooms! We only have 4 sleepable rooms, one I won't share.

Everyone: Hey!

Me: Shut it, or it be the shed for you. Anyway… *is interrupted*

*everyone rushes off to find rooms*

Me: No wait! *walks into computer room*

*Suki, Katara, and Toph are in there*

Me: Uhhhhhh… Why didn't you choose a room with a bed…

Suki: The fact of sleeping in the same room with someone who is a Zombie so to speak scares us, and Ozai claimed the room with the pedestal thing.

Me: Ozai's in my room!!! *leaves and goes to mom's room*

*Zuko, Iroh, and Lu Ten are talking to each other*

Me: At least you guys we're smart to take this room. Mind taking Ozai in?

Zuko, Iroh and Lu Ten: No!

Me: But he stole my room!

Lu Ten: Sorry.

Me: Hey pal! You owe me! My house brought you back!

Lu Ten: True, but Uncle Ozai is mean.

Me: No, really! Fine.

Lu Ten, Zuko and Iroh: Yay! *leaves and goes to back room*

*walks into back room to find Sokka and Aang*

Aang: This room is cold.

Me: No one ever comes back here.

Sokka: Obviously.

Me: Ozai is gonna stay in here.

Sokka and Aang: Oh no he isn't!

Me: He stole my room!

Sokka: Make him stay with his family.

Me: Rejected, and I wouldn't want to shove him in with the girls.

Aang: Well I guess you have to share.

Sokka: I feel sorry for you.

Me: *walks out*

*walks into my room to see Ozai sitting on my bed*

Me: Get off. Get out.

Ozai: One usually bows when entering a room where royalty is.

Me: Oh shut up before I go all Midwest on your behind.

Ozai: *raises eyebrow* No one else wants me in the same room.

Me: And I want my room.

Ozai: How are you going to get me out.

Me: AANG! GET IN HERE!

Aang's voice: No way!

Me: Crap. I'm sorry it has to come down to this.

LATER

*Ozai is chained to the living room couch forced to watch Barney*

Me: Good night everyone!

Everyone but Ozai: Good night.

Ozai: ……………………… The horror…

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**Hope you all liked it, I kinda ran out of ideas towards the end sorry. It'll get better I promise!**


	2. Of Updates, Shipping, And New Arrivals!

**Hello all! I saw this old thing and I thought, why not update it every so often? It's a decent idea and it helps with writer's block!  
Chapter one was written over a year or so ago and well... Yeah. Obviously the style has changed a bit. Sorry for that by the way, but it was good as a starting point. I hope y'all can look past the fail known as chapter one.**

**Special Notes:  
- The chapters will be "long" because of the format it's in.  
- I make fun of myself in this chapter for not updating and Lu Ten apparently likes to call me out on it.  
- The magical talking mini cow as a tribute to my grandmother who passed away. She likes cows and there's a long story behind the magical talking mini cow.  
- Don't hurt me Zutarians, I just wanted to poke fun at some ships and how ridiculous they can be. Zutara was the first to come to mind and Katozai was the second, and I'm a Kataanger. I have nothing against Zutara though. So don't kill me.  
- Yes, there is actualy a hole in the floor that matches the description.  
- And yes, I am a rabid Kuzai (Kuei/Ozai) shipper. Well... I ship it for the lulz. You should all ship it too.**

**I don't own Avatar. I do own my house. Well... My uncle does but whatever.**

* * *

_After a good night's rest that seemed to last forever, I wake up in my room as usual with everything as it should be._

Me: Ahh, what a beautiful morning! *stretches*

_Suddenly there's a knocking on the door._

Me: *falls out of bed* What is it… No one's here. Blegh, I hate mornings.

_More knocking._

Me: I'm coming, I'm coming. *opens bedroom door*

Lu Ten: Good morning!

Me: WOAH! *falls backwards* How'd you get here?

Lu Ten: So you really don't remember. Father was right…

Me: What now? *rubs back of head*

Lu Ten: Well you see, you started this story over a year ago and never updated it. We've been floating in an abysmal nothingness of boringness that comes with infrequent updates.

Me: Story… Updates… I REMEMBER NOW! Uh yeah, sorry about that.

Lu Ten: No worries. I'm not sure Uncle Ozai will be as forgiving though.

Me: Ozai? What about him?

Lu Ten: He's been chained to the couch while being forced to watch something about a purple reptile.

Me: Purple reptile…? Oh no.

Lu Ten: Cries of excruciating pain really don't bother me, but Uncle sounds like he's got all of Ba Sing Se torturing him.

Me: We need to save Ozai! *shoves past Lu Ten and rushes into the living room*

Lu Ten: *follows*

_Meanwhile, Ozai is lying on the ground while still chained to the couch with Barney playing in the background._

Me: *turns off Barney and unchains Ozai who is still writhing in metaphorical pain* Ozai! Speak to me!

Ozai: … *mutters incoherently*

Me: Ozai! Speak in coherent sentences!

Ozai: *twitches* … I… Love you… You… Love me… *twitches once again*

Me: Oh god! Lu Ten! Quick, get some of the horrible tap water from the kitchen sink!

Lu Ten: *runs to get water and returns with a large Twilight cup filled with it*

Me: *grabs the Twilight cup and splashes it on Ozai* Oh Bella, you DO have a use after all!

Lu Ten: Why do you have that?

Me: I got it free for ordering a large Mountain Dew at the movie theater. A new Twilight movie was out.

Lu Ten: … You watched a Twilight movie?

Me: What are you crazy? I went to see Paranormal Activity and the cup was free.

Lu Ten: Ah, ok.

Ozai: Ugh… What just… *looks at me* YOU!

Me: Oh crap.

Ozai: YOU! You left me there with your inability to update this thing for over a YEAR with that THING playing! *firebends*

Me: Oh snap! *dodges fire* Lu Ten! Help! *hides behind Lu Ten*

Lu Ten: I'm sure it wasn't intentional…

Ozai: I'm going to throw you into a snow bank! *rushes to open sliding glass door* What?

_Outside it's warm and summery with a freshly mowed lawn while birds are chirping somewhere unseen._

Ozai: …

Lu Ten: Well this thing hasn't been updated for over a year. Yet the interior is the same…

Me: Good point Lu Ten! We should get everyone in here so we can update our surroundings.

Lu Ten: How do you suppose we do that?

Me: By getting everyone out of the house for a few minutes and coming back in.

Ozai: *grumbles* Makes about as much sense as everything else here…

Me: Good! Now let's get everyone. Lu Ten, you get Aang and Sokka in the back room.

Lu Ten: Alright.

Me: Ozai, get Iroh and Zuko from my mom's.

Ozai: Damn traitors. Why can't Lu Ten get them?

Me: Because you tried to kill everyone else.

Ozai: I only tried to kill the Avatar and the stupid son!

Me: Anyway, I'll get the girls in the computer room.

Lu Ten: Sounds exciting.

_Meanwhile when we all get the others the floor by the fake fireplace makes a gurgling sound._

_Lu Ten goes to the end of the hallway to retrieve Aang and Sokka. He knocks on the door and waits patiently._

Lu Ten: *knocks again* Hello?

Sokka: *answers the door* Huh? Oh, hi… Zuko's… Cousin person. Is the story finally updated?

Lu Ten: I'm Lu Ten, and yes. It is.

Sokka: Finally! These board games only provide so much entertainment. Aang! It's updated!

Aang: Really? Are you sure?

Sokka: Yep. Zuko's cousin, Ten Lu is at the door.

Lu Ten: It's Lu Ten…

Aang: Wow! Finally, this room is colder than that iceberg I was frozen in.

Sokka: Now that's just sad. Let's go.

_Sokka, Aang, and Lu Ten walk out of the room and slink past the others who are blocking the way. They head quietly and wait in the living room._

_Ozai is pounding on the door to Iroh and Zuko's room while yelling at them to come out._

Ozai: Get out!

Iroh: Stop yelling and maybe we'll consider it.

Ozai: *pounds on the door* OUT.

Zuko: Go away!

Ozai: The thing is updated, how else do you think I got here!

Zuko and Iroh: … *opens door*

Ozai: About time. Wait… How did Lu Ten get out?

Zuko: A magical talking mini cow let him out.

Ozai: What?

Iroh: We couldn't believe it ourselves.

Ozai: Whatever. We're needed in the living room.

_Ozai, Iroh, and Zuko all walk to the living room. Ozai makes rude remarks about Zuko and Iroh, while they try to ignore him._

_Finally with the hallway being cleared up, I'm able to get Toph, Katara, and Suki._

Me: *knocks on door* Story's updated, y'all can come out now.

Toph: *swings open the door* About time! Can you imagine being stuck in a room with Sugar Queen for that long?

Katara: Hey!

Suki: Well at least we had this to occupy our time. *points to computer*

Me: The internet is a great thing.

Katara: Not when you have enough time to learn what Zutara and Katozai is. *shudders*

Me: Katara, I'm so sorry.

Toph: Yeah, after the Katozai thing, she was quiet for a long time.

Suki: We've all decided not to talk about it. Or tell Ozai.

Me: That all is very reasonable.

Katara: Let's go see what's going on.

_We all walk down the incredibly skinny hallway and into the living room to see the others lounging comfortably._

Me: Well everyone, as you all know, the story is updated and the outside had changed considerably.

Iroh: Indeed.

Zuko: I'll take this over the freakish amounts of snow any day.

Aang: So what now?

Me: Well because time has passed and the story is updated, we have to go outside for a few minutes so the house can catch up.

Sokka: And if we don't?

Me: Then a paradox will occur.

Sokka: How bad can it get? I like it here. *relaxes on the zebra lounger*

Me: The paradox will cause unholy things to happen. It's equivalent to dividing by zero.

Sokka: It can't be that bad.

Lu Ten: I knew this guy in the Spirit World who divided by zero. A giant platypus ate him shortly after.

Sokka: Uh… Platypuses are creepy looking.

Lu Ten: Precisely.

Me: Well, apparently a giant platypus will kill us all. Also, Zutara will happen if we're in the house in its current state for too long. That among other things will happen. Bad things.

Zuko: What's Zutara?

Katara: *sobs in the corner*

Zuko: *walks over to Katara* Are you… Ok?

Katara: GET AWAY FROM ME! *goes over to Aang*

Zuko: What'd I do?

Katara: *in a gravelly voice* Don't feed the Zutarians… *inches closer to Aang*

Zuko: Again, WHATS Zutara!

Aang: Yeah… Katara seems… Frightened.

Me: *sighs* Well, in the land of the internet, people come up with names for romantic relationship between characters. These people are known as shippers.

Sokka: And? *pats Katara's back*

Me: And Zutara is the name for the romantic relationship between Zuko and Katara.

Zuko: Oh Agni… *turns to Katara* No offence, but… I love Mai. Not you.

Katara: Do you really mean it? *wipes away a tear*

Zuko: Yes. Friend hug?

Katara: How about a high five. We don't want to feed the shippers.

Zuko and Katara: *high five each other* Yay for nothing more than friendship!

Ozai: Well now that that's all done and over with, let's let the house fix itself before something else happens.

Katara: *looks over to Ozai* …

Ozai: *raises eyebrow curiously* What?

Katara: *breaks down crying harder than before*

Zuko: What now! We already said that we'd be nothing more than friends!

Aang: Katara!

Sokka: Are you ok? Ozai what'd you do!

Ozai: I don't know!

Suki: Should we open _the_ subject and get closure, Toph?

Toph: Yeah… We should. So. Explain this Katozai thing. That should help her.

Me: Well… There are shippers who like to explore the more unorthodox ships. Like Katozai.

Ozai: And that is?

Me: *walks behind Lu Ten and Iroh* Katozai is the romantic shipping between you Ozai, and Katara.

Ozai: WHAT THE HELL!

Katara: *starts twitching*

Ozai: I may be an ass who tried to kill many people who I do and don't know for my own personal gains, but I am NOT a pedophile. Plus I HATE waterbenders and everyone else who isn't Fire Nation.

Aang: See Katara, Ozai isn't a pedophile, you don't have to worry.

Katara: … Really?

Sokka: Yes.

Ozai: WHO THINKS OF THIS STUFF!

Sokka: Plus, he hates all of us so no worries… Well… Pedophile wise.

Me: We should go before something god awful happens. Katara almost had a mental breakdown with the Katozai scare.

Toph: Shut up about the subject!

Me: Right… Sorry. Anyways, let's go outside for a bit.

_Before everyone walks out the floor by the fake fireplace makes another gurgling sound and banging can now be heard._

Toph: What the? Why is the floor making sounds, and why can't I sense any vibrations under it in this area?

Suki: Is this normal?

Me: No it's not… Lu Ten and Ozai, move the glass table over by the TV.

Lu Ten: Ok. *walks over to the table and picks up the top glass part* Uncle, can you get the bottom?

Ozai: Why are you listening to her?

Lu Ten: She shares her home with my friend, the magical talking mini cow. So I might as well be nice.

_An awkward silence falls over the room. Everyone stares blankly at Lu Ten._

Ozai: Not this again.

Iroh: It's true. There is a magical talking mini cow that lives here.

Zuko: I saw it with my own eyes.

Ozai: I hate this Midwest place. *grabs the bottom half of the table and moves it by the TV*

Lu Ten: *places top half on the bottom* I like it here.

Me: Well, let's see what's going on under here.

_I lean down and pick up a small piece of carpet and toss it aside. Under that is a piece of plywood and I also toss that aside. Long Feng and Kuei are sitting further underneath the floor closer to the TV._

Me: *gets on the floor and pokes head to look further under the floor* How'd you guys get here?

Long Feng: How am I supposed to know! *crawls to the hole and stands up*

Sokka: Whoa. Long Feng got short.

Me: Nope. That's a small part of where this hole used to be. It extends to about the couch.

Long Feng: And apparently it sucks me into it and makes me unable to earthbend. *crawls out of the hole*

Toph: That explains why I can't feel any vibrations by that thing…

Kuei: It's dark and damp in here… *crawls to where Long Feng stood, looks around, and crawls out of the hole*

Me: … Wait a minute… Lu Ten and Ozai, put the table back! *covers the hole with plywood and piece of carpet*

Lu Ten: Ok. *shrugs and picks up the top part*

Ozai: I hate this place… *picks up the bottom part and puts it in its spot*

Lu Ten: *puts the top part back* I can't see why.

Ozai: Shut it cow boy.

Lu Ten: Aww… *pouts sadly by Iroh*

Iroh: *pats Lu Ten's shoulder* It's ok, Zuko and I believe you.

Me: This is perfect!

Ozai: What?

Me: Now I can make Kuzai happen! Huzzah!

Ozai: Kuzai? Oh no, that has part of my name in it, what's happening. I don't like it. Is it the shippers?

Me: If there is one ship I adore aside from the canon ships…

Aang: Canon?

Me: Ships that happened in the show. Urzai Ozai and Ursa, Kataang Aang and Katara, Sukka Suki and Sokka, and Maiko Mai and Zuko for example.

Aang: I like the sound of Kataang.

Zuko: Maiko also sounds nice.

Suki: Same with Sukka.

Ozai: WHAT'S KUZAI!

Me: Oh yes, if there is one noncanon ship I love it's Kuzai!

Kuei: *raises hand* What's Kuzai?

Me: The romantic relationship between Kuei and Ozai! I just love it!

Long Feng: Oh spirits no.

Sokka: Who's Kuei?

Me: Long Feng knows who Kuei is. Don't ya?

Long Feng: Oh spirits no… Just. No.

Ozai: Who's Kuei!

Me: Oh yeah.. That weird 'The Earth King gives up his name' thing… Kuei is none other than the Earth King!

Ozai: WHY ME!

Kuei: … Uh…

Me: Now Ozai, make out with Kuei passionately!

Ozai: I hate you.

Kuei: Err…

Iroh: Shouldn't we let the house update itself before something bad happens?

Me: Oh yeah… Let's go everyone!

_Everyone exits the house and waits patiently in the front yard. Soon smoke poofs out of the house accompanied by a slight popping sound. The group looks at everyone anxiously before entering the newly updated house._


End file.
